Altered
by M Chettle
Summary: Bashir informs the others of his enhancements


ALTERED by Marie Chettle

(This story is set during the episode "Dr Bashir, I Presume", and starts as Sisko leaves his office to allow Bashir and his parents to talk). 

"Was that Rear Admiral Bennett the Bashirs were talking to?", asked Dax as Sisko came and stood by her consol.

"Er huh", said Sisko as he watched the growing conversation in his office. Bashir began to wave his arms emphatically. Sisko smiled to himself. Would that man never learn to control his arms?.

"Why would the head of the Judge Advocate General's office want to talk to Julian and his parents?"

Sisko started to open his mouth to respond and then stopped. It wasn't his place to say anything. It was up to the doctor whether he told anyone else about his enhancements or not, but Sisko was going to have a word with him about it though. So instead of answering Dax's question he turned to her and said. "Have you finished that systems analysis report yet, Commander?"

"Err...no", said Dax confused by Sisko's sudden change of subject.

"Then do so. I want to see it within the hour". He turned and started to wander around Ops, checking on the other stations.

"Aye, Sir", mumbled Dax to his retreating form. She shot a quick look at Kira, who just shrugged as she too couldn't explain Sisko's sudden change in subjects either.

Sisko entered his office quietly. He looked at Bashir who sat on the couch deep in thought. "Did you manage to sort everything out, Doctor?"

"I suppose", Bashir replied, though he didn't sound very convinced.

"I was wondering", continued Sisko as he headed behind his desk. "If you've given any thought about telling the others? The fact that you have been genetically enhanced will be entered into you permanent record", he added. "So they're bound to find out sooner or later. Don't you think it would be better if it came from you?"

Bashir stood up and headed towards the desk. Stopping in front of it he nodded. "Okay. The chief already knows".

Sisko looked surprised at that. He thought he was the only one on the station, besides Zimmerman, who knew.

"But I suppose you're right", continued Bashir. He thought a moment. "I've got to arrange passage back to Earth for my parents first though ". He finally looked up at Sisko. "How about here.... in a hour?"

"I think it would be better if it were done somewhere a bit more private like your quarters", suggested Sisko. 

"Okay. One hour", Bashir agreed. He then left the office.

Sisko and the others stood outside Bashir's quarters and rang the bell. They expected to wait awhile for Bashir to open the door, or to hear him call out for them to come in, but instead the door just opened straight away.

As they entered they found the room was darkly lit, and it took them a moment before they were able to spot Bashir. He stood gazing out of the window, his back towards them. He didn't move or turn round as they entered. In fact the only movement he made was to put an empty glass on the desk beside him.

"You wanted to see us, Julian?", said Dax.

Bashir still did not respond. He just stood there savouring their friendships knowing the moment he started talking he could lose them. He couldn't do it. He just couldn't. This was all just a huge mistake. He should never have agreed to it in the first place. Why did this have to happen now? Why? Why did Zimmerman have to bring his parents here? And why did they have to have him enhanced in the first place?

Sisko stood there with the others, waiting for Bashir to acknowledge their arrival. This had been his idea, he thought it was best that the others knew, but when there was no response, Sisko realised he was going to have to do something to get things started or they would be there all day. He took a deep breath as he realised what he was about to say could ruin his friend's life, but it needed to be said. "Julian's been genetically enhanced."

Bashir visible sagged with relief as the truth finally came out. But it both upset and relieved him that Sisko had revealed it. Upset because the captain had no right to tell the others, but relieved because he knew that he would never have been able to do it himself.

"WHAT!", exclaimed Kira.

Dax headed over and stood beside Bashir. She tried to look him in the eye, but he wouldn't let her. She watched as his eyes flickered from side to side as he fought an internal battle as to whether or not to look at her.

He wanted to, he needed to see a friendly face right now, but he was worried that instead of a friendly face he would now only find one distorted with horror and revulsion.

"Why didn't you tell us?", she asked.

"Because it was none of your business", he said, uttering his first words since they'd entered.

"But we're your friends!"

"Which doesn't mean I have to tell you about everything that has happened in my life."

"No", she agreed. "No, it doesn't. But this is such a big part of your life, of who you are."

"You mean what I am", he mumbled as he turned and walked away.

"Julian", she called after him following. When he didn't respond she called again in those gentle tones of her's. Tones Bashir suddenly found very, very annoying.

He rounded on her. "What is it you want to know, Jadzia? Mmm? That I was small and awkward? That I was stupid? Or that my parents didn't like me the way that I was so they had me altered like some piece of clothing that didn't fit properly!" He saw the hurt in her face, the pity at his outburst. "I'm sorry, Jadzia. I didn't mean that." 

Yes you did, thought Sisko. 

"Were you really that stupid?", asked Kira as she and some of the others sat down. "What I meant was...." she stammered as she saw the looks the others gave her.

Bashir held up a hand to stall her. "I know what you mean, Major, and yes, I was."

"Julian!", exclaimed O'Brien.

"Oh!, come on, Chief. I couldn't tell the difference between a tree and a God damn house." He paused as he thought back over those times. "I tried, you know. I really tried."

"I'm sure you did your best", said Kira gentle.

"Yeah!", exclaimed Bashir. "Well obviously my best wasn't good enough." He turned and headed back to the table, picked up his glass and headed towards the replicator. Placing it in the machine he pressed the key to dispose of it. As the machine hummed and the glass was broken down molecule by molecule he turned to the others. "Anyone want anything?" When the answer came back negative he just ordered himself a large scotch. 

"That won't help", said Dax.

"It has before." He remembered the first time he had had a drink, when he had found out what his parents had done to him. He had taken two bottles of brandy, the real stuff, from his father's collection, and gone off alone to drink them. He could remember spitting out the first mouthful and wondering why any one would want to drink such revolting stuff, but then he remembered that some people drank to forget, and that's what he wanted to do. Forget. So he had drunk the whole two bottles.

"But not in the long run", said Dax interrupting his reminiscing.

Bashir paused the glass halfway to his mouth as he remembered what it felt like after he had sobered up. How the memory of what his parents had done had come flooding back. "No, not in the long run", he agreed, but he still took a drink. There was a moments silence, and then Bashir said, "So what do you want to know?"


End file.
